Announcing “The Japlish Podcast”

Japlish PodcastWell, I’ve put up the website with the first episode, and I think it looks really nice. All that’s left to do is convince Tony to help me create the content on a regular basis.

Here’s the concept and the reasoning behind it. Learning phrases is an important part of learning to speak a language. I find that in my mind I have a library of set phrases that I permutate into whatever I want to say. So that’s why we’re going to do phrases.

Why do silly, useless phrases? Because they’re fun, and language learning is too often the exact opposite of fun. But even if you’re learning to say something like “Please whack me in the head with a baseball bat,” you’re still learning grammar and vocabulary you’ll be able to use for real. Just not in the way we teach it.

To get started, we need your help in the form of suggestions for phrases we can teach. You can either write them here or go to the contact page at and upload an MP3 we’ll play on the show.

I don’t know if this will succeed or not because it all depends on out willingness to stick with it, and unfortunately Tony inherited from me the tendency to not finish what he starts. But if it does, the idea is to offer the first two month’s worth of lessons for free, then maybe start charging (to support our video game habit).

Other phrases I’ve thought of:

  • Stop picking my nose.
  • I’d like to drink your bath water. (sure-fire pickup line)
  • My favorite food is monkey brains.
  • Oops, I pooped my pants again.
  • Excuse me, I found this eyeball. Is it yours?
  • I learned many magic tricks while I was in prison.
  • When I grow up, I want to be a serial killer/garbage man/gas station attendant
  • I made you a bracelet from my leg hairs. I hope you like it.
  • I ate a rat for lunch.
  • I haven’t showered in three months. Don’t I smell nice?
  • Please stop licking my armpit. It tickles.

Rich Pav

Richard has been living in Japan since 1990 with his wife and two teenage sons, Tony and Andy.

13 thoughts to “Announcing “The Japlish Podcast””

  1. Rick, great idea! I just listened to the first episode and I loved it! However, my Japanese wife is shocked that you would teach us such useless sentences in her beloved native language;-)

    Keep ’em coming!

    Here are a few other sentences that you may translate:

    – Mangas make me horny.
    – I peed in the subway.
    – Unfortunately there’s no beer left.
    – Please excuse my farting.
    – Where can I buy a back hair shaver?

  2. rich— i don’t know how you made a transition from burma to jap lessons but it worked. Well i always wondered about this garbage man position in Japan and thanks to you pretty soon i will be able to apply for my dream job. Tony is doing an outstanding work, i can see some english bonding between you guys that’s very important. Tony we need you b/c we can’t trust your dad since his japanese is only intuitive. rich how the hell am i suppose to explain your last lesson to my japanese teacher? I want to suprise her and say something like i almost pooped in my pants or i almost sharded my pants but she might leave and never come back.

  3. Hi Rich, maybe you could get a audiobook deal or something to help young english/Japanese kids to learn?

    Anyway “Excuse me waiter but I seem to have a fugu stuck in my right nostril”

    “My dog apears to like you carpet, look at the fancy pattern its making with its poo”

    Freekin sweet

  4. I’m all over it. Subscribed, ready, spreading the word and waiting for more. It’s fun as hell and awesome to hear Tony giggle. It sounds like you two are having a blast with it. Hmm…let me think…

    – There are no more seats on this train. May I sit on your lap?
    – Could you please cup your hands, I have to vomit.
    – I’m tired. Would you chew my food for me?
    – I only eat the orange part of candy corn.
    (I don’t know if you have candy corn in Japan, but come on! This is funny stuff! The orange part is in the middle! Funny!)
    – Oh yeah? So’s your face!
    – Can you please help me get out of this spring-loaded bear trap?
    – I feed my pet goldfish sugared donuts.
    – Robots? We don’t need no stinkin’ robots.
    – There are millions of Atari E.T. cartridges in a New Mexico landfill.
    – I can’t get this penguin out of my pants.

    And to finish up, a classic George Carlin quote from his old routine about English sentences never before uttered:

    – Would you please cut off my fingers and put them in the macaroni?

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