I probably shouldn’t mention this…

…but I need to get it out because I have no one to to talk to about it. Last week a young, beautiful, intelligent, and very capable coworker of ours took her own life. Someone I’ve worked with for years. None of us had any idea she was depressed. Her funeral was last Saturday, and her replacement started work yesterday. I think about her and her poor, grieving family a lot. She really was a wonderful person, and we all miss her, but life has to go on. She was a half-Peruvian, half-Japanese woman named Arisa, fresh out of university.

Rich Pav

Richard has been living in Japan since 1990 with his wife and two teenage sons, Tony and Andy.

20 thoughts to “I probably shouldn’t mention this…”

  1. I am truly sorry to hear about that Rich. My thoughts are with you and her family. It’s good to share some things rather than keep them bottled up.

  2. @Dave: That’s what I keep wondering. I wish I knew, I would have done anything to help her, and the hundreds of people who showed up for her funeral all felt the same way. But that’s what severe depression does, it convinces you that you deserve a death sentence. It takes a lot of love, medication and therapy to counterbalance its power over someone, because it fights back something fierce.

  3. It’s understandable here in Japan. It’s tough in Western culture to “share” sometimes. Over here it’s impossible. You’re first sentence on this post confirms it.

    Our thoughts and prayers are with her, her family and those who will miss her loss, like you.

    All the best Rich.

  4. I’m sorry that such a thing could happen. Life is tragic and unexplainable sometimes. It’s better to share problems just like you are doing.

  5. ใ‚ใ‚ใ€ไฝ•ใฆๆ‚ฒใ—ใ„ไบ‹ใŒ่ตทใ“ใฃใฆใ—ใพใฃใŸใ‚“ใงใ—ใ‚‡ใ†ใ€‚
    ๅฝผๅฅณใฎ่‹ฆใ—ใฟใ€่ฆชๅพกใ•ใ‚“ใ‚‰ใฎๆ‚ฒใ—ใฟใ‚’ๆ€ใ†ใจใ€่ƒธใŒ็ท ใ‚ไป˜ใ‘ใ‚‰ใ‚Œใพใ™ใ€‚

  6. Sorry to hear of your loss Rich. Sounds like you’re going through a rough patch lately. Hope things improve for you soon.

  7. That’s really sad news, comrade. It’s terrible because that unique person is now gone from our planet. I think there’s too much stress on people these days, no matter what country you’re in. I hope that she found peace in the next world.

  8. So sorry to hear that. I went through similar untimely death of a young coworker less than a year ago. Sorry to hear that. Depression is a very nasty disease. I have never experienced depression until this year. I am so much more compassionate now that I’ve experienced it first hand. It has nothing to do with strength or will. My thoughts your way and especially her family. Death is never easy. Especially of a younger person.

  9. Depression is a very nasty disease. I have never experienced depression until this year. I am so much more compassionate now that Iโ€™ve experienced it first hand.

    Surviving really nasty depression is like flying an airplane or sailing a boat through a really rough storm. If it doesn’t kill you, you come out of it a better person with some very valuable experience.

  10. Hi all, im really sorry to hear about your co-workers death ๐Ÿ™ I presume that people don’t really talk about they problems/feelings at the work place? if I get depressed I have to talk to my wife who helps me through it.

  11. (Self-centered reference point:) A few weeks after Ken and I started Trans-Pacific Radio, a long-time Canadian co-worker of ours (we’d both worked with her at two different places – all three of us worked at the same two places, largely at the same time, that is) was discovered in her apartment after having committed suicide approximately a week before.

    She was 42.

    Just a couple of months later, a nomi-tomo of mine – this guy with a wife and middle school-aged son – made his exit, on Christmas Day, no less.
    I walked into our little local (the kind of place where everyone is a regular, there’s no menu, no sign, and the checks are guessed at or forgotten) and saw a drink sitting perfectly centered in front of the corner seat in front of the big window where no one sits unless the place is absolutely packed. That had happened once before – when an occasional customer and the best friend of a regular was killed in a Moto GP race, so I knew what it meant.

    Some symbolic gestures you kind of wish you didn’t understand.

    I’d stopped by the day before, on Christmas Eve, when the master got the call, but he didn’t say anything. (That’s the kind of place it is – you die and people call your bartender.)

    He was 47.

    Not even two months later, I walked in to find another shot sitting in front of the empty corner seat. His father said he’d been depressed and a hardcore alcoholic since high school and that it had always been a matter of time.

    He was 27.

    Emotionally, it’s a cumulative effect. You wonder what’s wrong that so many people you know decide it’s not even worth sticking around to fix or ride out. It doesn’t get harder per se, it just adds up.

    Each one makes it harder to understand, though. That part doesn’t get easier.

    Those suicides, combined with the headline-grabbing suicides of junior high and high school students last Fall, got me wondering what was going on. Here’s a bigger picture.

  12. Wow Rich, sorry to hear that. Sometimes we are utterly unaware how deeply people around us are suffering until it’s too late.

    I agree with the other poster that people are under too much stress. These corporations worldwide are out of control. They are asking inhuman performance of people. Some people just explode because of it.

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