Herro Flom Japan

1. It's been so long since I've recorded one that I have no idea where I put my microphones. If you saw what my bedroom looks like, you'd understand. The last time I did a podcast, I was 39 years old. I'm 41 now.
2. My parents listen, so the topics I can cover are severely limited. During the train ride home tonight I was listening to Adam Carolla talk for half an hour about a carbuncle he had on his anus and how he had to pop with a pin while bent over naked in front of a mirror while shining a flashlight up his ass. I don't have that kind of freedom.

My next podcast will be about marijuana in Japan and why you should avoid it as if it were the most dangerous drug known to man while you're in this country. I'm still doing research. Being the upstanding citizen I am, I don't have any connections to the indigenous cannabis culture, so I need to venture out a bit before I can speak on the topic with any degree of expertise.

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I have two boys, 8 and 11 years old. Tony, the 11 year old, loves video games. He has a Sony PSP which he plays a lot. Far too often in my wife's opinion. He's constantly blowing his allowance on buying and selling games at a second hand store down the street from our house. But he also plays soccer on a team and does his homework, so it's not all bad.

Last week he showed me a catalog of games to tell me about the next game he was all excited to buy: Grand Theft Auto Liberty City Stories. One of his 11 year old friends has it and he totally fell in love with it. An 11 year old kid. His parents let him buy a game rated "Z" for 18 and over because it's wall-to-wall foul language and adult themes such as murder, mayhem, carjacking, brain-splattering headshots, cop killing, prostitution, BSDM, kinky sex, double-ended dildos, tittie bars, drugs…

That is, so far. For all I know, it gets worse. I'm still only on the 5th or 6th mission. Tony, on the other hand, is on well his way to unlocking the second island.

Last week, when Tony first showed me the game, our conversation when a bit like this:

Tony (in Japanese): Daddy, I want to get this awesome game!
Me (in English): What's it rated?
Tony: Z.
Me: How old do you have to buy a game that's rated Z?
Tony: 18.
Me: How old are you now?
Tony: 11.
Me: What's 18-11?
Tony: 7.
Me: That's how many years you have to wait to buy the game.

End of conversation. Flash forward to this week.

Tony: Daddy, look what I got!
Sony PSP: "You cock-sucking mother-fucking son of a goddamn whore! I'll rip off your head and shit down your neck!" (explosions) (police sirens) (sexual innuendo-filled radio dialog)
Me: Wonderful.

So here's the thing. And maybe I'm just rationalizing my horrible parenting skills and my guilt for not confiscating the game on sight.

Neither Tony nor Andy understand much English aside from the conversations I have with them, so all the swearing in the game goes over their heads. It was only a few weeks ago that Tony finally learned the word "shit" when I dented the running board of our family car trying to back out of a ridiculously narrow dead end. I'm not too worried about either of them acquiring a new and exceedingly foul English vocabulary from the game.

They don't understand the adult themes in the game. Or, maybe they do, and if so, they already acquired such worldly knowledge elsewhere.

That leaves the violence. When I was a kid, we played cops and robbers and smashed Matchbox cars together all the time. And I didn't grow up to be a sociopath.

Yesterday was a holiday so the three of us played the game together. I taught Andy how to read a map and to give and understand directions in English. I found a website of cheat codes and taught Tony some new vocabulary by explaining to him what they all did. The boys got practice sharing their toys, which involved patience and conflict resolution. Tony got to show me all the secret locations, mini games and tricks he discovered by himself. (I skipped over minor details such as what prostitutes and pimps do for a living.) We shared opinions about strategies. But most of all, the three of us spent hours of quality time together, which we don't do often enough lately.

But still, I'm conflicted as to whether or not I'm being a horrible parent by letting them play such an adult-oriented game.

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Sorry for being so political all the time, but I'm genuinely obsessed with this election. Like, I need to check myself into a twelve-step program.

If Obama wins, you'll read about me in the papers for exuberantly and singlehandedly overturning cars in Tokyo and setting them on fire.

On the other hand, if McCain wins, you'll read about me in the papers for angrily and singlehandedly overturning cars in Tokyo and setting them on fire.

You've probably already seen this video clip many times over of Gayle Quinnel telling McCain that she doesn't trust Obama because "he's an Arab," then McCain refuting her by explaining that, essentially, he can't be an Arab because he's actually "a decent family man citizen." As if the two were opposites.

What you probably haven't seen yet is the follow-up interview conducted by TheUpdate.org in which she says she got her information about Obama from the library and a pamphlet given to her by a McCain volunteer. She goes on to explain how she too is a McCain volunteer–working from of the Burnsville, Minnesota office–and she has made hundreds copies of letters and sent them to people randomly picked out of the phone book. In addition, as a volunteer she has spoken to a lot of people who have the same opinion of Obama.

This got me to thinking there's a much bigger story here than just some frazzled and confused old lady who's deathly afraid of a black Arab Muslim terrorist running for president. Namely, are McCain's campaign offices simply complacent when it comes to false rumors about Obama, or are they complicit in spreading them? As a volunteer for the McCain campaign, not only has she not been corrected by anyone who knows the rumors are false, but she's also spreading the rumors on behalf on the campaign!

Honestly, I don't understand why the mainstream media hasn't taken a closer look at what kind of rumors are being spread by McCain's volunteers. I feel uncomfortable saying this in seriousness, but frankly, I'm shocked.

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Democrat Brad Sherman of California last week said on the floor of the House of Representatives that "someone" (he won't say exactly who) threatened that if the House didn't pass the revised Wall Street bailout bill, the US could be facing martial law.

Whoever threatened martial law isn't bluffing. As you may know, on October 1 the 3rd Infantry Division’s 1st Brigade Combat Team was redeployed to a 12 month tour to Northern Command, "a joint command established in 2002 to provide command and control for federal homeland defense efforts and coordinate defense support of civil authorities." When their tour is over, another brigade will take their place, to carry on with the mission "to help with civil unrest and crowd control or to deal with potentially horrific scenarios such as massive poisoning and chaos in response to a chemical, biological, radiological, nuclear or high-yield explosive, or CBRNE, attack."

The America of today is very different from the one I left 18 years ago. Frankly, I don't want to go back.

I think it's odd that I can't find any mention of this threat to Representatives in the mainstream media.

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