Herro flom the hospital

Rich Pav General

I do reveal a lot about my life, but not everything. Figuring nobody really would want to know, I left out the fact that my body decided to stop pooping about two weeks ago, and before that multiple blood tests showed elevated ALP and white blood cell levels. Then yesterday I pooped nothing but some snot and a wee bit of blood, and that immediately got my attention. So I consulted Dr. Google with my symptoms and came up with “cholecystitis,” a.k.a an inflamed gall bladder.

At the hospital I got a second opinion from a real doctor, (Just in case. Like HAL from 2001, Google is always right, but you never know.) The real doctor said I need to take a really, really good poop and prescribed me some laxatives normally used only by zoo veterinarians and college fraternity pranksters, because the over-the-counter laxatives I’ve been popping like Tic-Tacs aren’t doing the trick. And I’m going in for a sonogram tomorrow to check under the hood. (I can’t wait to see my own liver!)

So I’m sitting here in front of the computer now, listening to my stomach gurgle and stinking up my little home office like you wouldn’t believe. (Andy came into visit a few minutes ago but immediately fled in severe olfactorial distress.) So far the horse pills haven’t done their thing, but I feel like a rocket on a launch pad, counting down till blast off.

I guess this is my body’s way of saying, “Welcome to middle age. Paybacks are hell.”

Rich Pav

Richard has been living in Japan since 1990 with his wife and two teenage sons, Tony and Andy.

15 thoughts to “Herro flom the hospital”

  5. Man, your local hospital is a lot nicer-looking than the relics we have here in Nakano. The disparity in hospitals is one of Japan’s most amazing points.

    My mother-in-law had cancer surgery in Nagoya and the hospital was like a swank hotel. Her sister (my wife’s aunt) had a knee replaced at Japan University Medical College Hospital in Ochanomizu and there narrow hallways, dingy floors and walls, exposed pipes, and exceedingly few rooms with proper doors – just half-curtains.
    The quaint private hospital around the corner from my apt. has ambulances parking in the street and lifting stretchers up a couple of steps to go in through the emrgency door, which opens into a hallway. I’m not sure how old it is, but it’d be safe to say it’s pre-Bubble and then some.

  6. That hospital I went to was one that was razed a few years ago and rebuilt. The old building was the kind of place I picture as the typical Japanese hospital–barely standing. But when they rebuild them, they certainly do it right. The entire process was computerized from start to finish and it ran as smooth as silk. Even the pharmacy across the street was run like a 23rd century military operation. I can tell you, that is NOT the way most places are here, and you’re right, the experienece is either one extreme or the other.

  8. Well, hopefully you’re not ‘impacted’. the description.

    I’ve known of this since my father in law was caring for special needs kids and they would get impacted. It’s a manual process for removing the blockage. They say ‘digitally’ in the artical, but that’s fingers, not ones and zeros ๐Ÿ™‚

  9. I’ve already resigned myself to the fact that someone’s probably going to have to stick something or other up there. Like maybe a fire hose or a stick of dynamite.

  12. Yikes! Your poor ass!

    Umm…good luck with that poop thing. And watch it with those laxatives! They can sneak up on you! Go for something gentle like Swiss Kriss tea, or something.

  14. My ass is fine, it’s my guts I’m worried about. I look like I’m entering my second trimester. Just had a sonogram done and I’m waiting to see a doctor. And I’m way past gentleness. I’m ready for Roto-Rooter or blasting caps.

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