Herro Flom Japan

Podcasts & Videocasts from an American salaryman.

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Funnelgirl beats goatse and tubgirl hands down

November 7th, 2007 · 18 Comments

I'm torn between keeping this to myself or sharing it. But what the heck, it'll definitely increase my hits from Google.

I just challenged myself to the new reigning champion of the absolute worst the Internet has to offer so you don't have to. DO NOT search for and watch this video. You have been warned. It will make you puke. It is the Antichrist, multiplied by infinity. JUST. SAY. NO.

I watched this a few minutes ago. I couldn't make it to the end. I barely made it to the bathroom, and when I did, I didn't want to be anywhere near a toilet, so I just puked in the sink. Grossest thing ever. –a random Funnelgirl viewer.

Update: Remember when I said Google loves me? It's been less than eight hours since I wrote this post and I'm already ranked #3 for funnelgirl. And I want to make this perfectly clear: I'm scarred for life. My 39 year old innocence, permanently shattered. (Link)

Categories: News

18 responses so far ↓

  • 1 Gin // Nov 7, 2007 at 11:47 am

    *grins* Of course you've just guaranteed that all readers who are curious enough will indeed google for it. ;)

  • 2 Rich Pav // Nov 7, 2007 at 11:56 am

    Those who do will regret it. Once you watch something, you can never, ever unwatch it.

  • 3 Khimmy // Nov 7, 2007 at 4:45 pm

    Now, you can imagine what these *sick* japanese would have done to people in their Asian colonies early in 1900's. In a lot of cases, they were more horrifying than worst kind of German nazis.

    Okay, I am overreacting here…. ;)

  • 4 Rich Pav // Nov 7, 2007 at 5:02 pm

    Dude, 99.99999% of Japanese would lose their lunch over Funnelgirl. We're not talking a national phenomenon that's sweeping the country. You're never going to see that video being played on a big screen TV in Shibuya Crossing to cheering crowds. And I don't think that video can be found in any rental shops here. But just to be sure, next time I'm in one I'll check the over 18 section in the back of the store behind the big curtain.

    Between the age my kids are now and the time they reach adulthood, I hate to imagine what would have to happen to them psychologically, how permanently scarred they'd have to become, for them to want to watch a guy guzzle poo.

  • 5 Chris (i-cjw.com) // Nov 7, 2007 at 5:13 pm

    *rips f-key from keyboard*

    Hah, there!

    *googles unnelgirl*

    "No results found. Did you mean 'funnelgirl'?"

    Damn you, Google..

    Chris (i-cjw.com)'s last blog post..Nine Heavens, One Hundred and Thirty Six Hells

  • 6 me // Nov 7, 2007 at 8:18 pm

    I'll see your funnelgirl and raise you a "**CENSORED**" (.com)

    OK, you won, that was way too sick. –Rich

  • 7 Erik // Nov 8, 2007 at 1:10 am

    That was so horrifying, I can't even come up with a good reply… I'll never look at poo the same again

  • 8 Rich Pav // Nov 8, 2007 at 2:12 am

    @Eric: Two scary thoughts. One, the Internet has only gotten started. Two, somewhere, somebody has an entire video library full of stuff like that.

    I have completely sworn off following "watch this, it's gross" links. I'm done, don't need to see any more.

  • 9 Carl // Nov 8, 2007 at 2:23 am

    Well I looked at the video, because you said don't do it! haha
    Gross…

    Carl's last blog post..Rant…ゆき

  • 10 Benedikt // Nov 8, 2007 at 5:13 am

    this must be by far the worst Japan has to offer…but it's strangely fascinating…:D

    Benedikt's last blog post..tacky time travels

  • 11 Lauryn // Nov 9, 2007 at 3:10 pm

    Rich I'm with you, I am so over following links saying watch this it's gross. Never again.

    that was just….urk! The worst thing was I was eating at the time.

    It beats the whole Pain series hands down.

    Thank god I watched this AFTER I got back from Japan.

  • 12 Rich Pav // Nov 9, 2007 at 3:33 pm

    @Lauryn: What part of DON'T WATCH THIS was difficult to understand? Maybe I should have said

    DON'T WATCH THIS

    …instead.

  • 13 Garrett // Nov 9, 2007 at 5:42 pm

    I'm feeling all smug now. I'll admit to a certain amount of curiosity, but I've finally developed an ability to resist reverse-psychology and the perverse interest in seeing the horrific. (I'm not the slightest bit curious about the censored link in comment #6 as the only thing I can imagine that would be more awful to watch than copraphagy would be brutal murder by forced copraphagy and I prefer to believe such acts are as common as used panty vending machines in Shinjuku.)

    And it only took damn near 30 years to learn this valuable lesson.

    Years ago, when I was all green and innocent and such, I used to teach businessmen in Shimbashi. One day, one of my students told me about a restaurant his boss took him, his colleague, and a couple of their clients to. At first I thought he was talking about something of which I'd heard. (I'll fake a dialogue to make it interesting.)

    "First, you sit around a sparkling glass table and semi-nude waitresses bring out drinks and pour for you. Then they bring out appetizers and some small dishes. After a few drinks, the waitresses escort a stunning nude girl to the table."

    "A lap dancer?" I asked, in my naivete.

    "No," he replied, "she got up on the table. . ."

    I interrupted. "You ate sushi off of her. I've heard of that."

    "I wish. No, she squatted over a dish in the center of the table and shat."

    "Jesus. What kind of sick fuck pays for that?"

    "My boss."

    "So you eat dinner then a naked girl shits on the table? I don't get it."

    "That's not all. The table's glass, so my boss and one of the customers were under it. My colleague and I ran away and vomited, but I heard they eat it off the dish."

    "The shit?"

    "Yes."

    "You're full of shit."

    I am now inclined to believe that he was either trying to gross me out or that, maybe, there was shit involved, but that no one ate it. His boss was trying to gross him out. I can believe in a wide spectrum of perversions, but I refuse to believe in that.

    The question is whether enough people who enjoy videos like Funnelgirl are willing to pay for a first-hand experience.

  • 14 Rich Pav // Nov 9, 2007 at 6:10 pm

    I can't believe that a restaurant where a woman takes a dump on the table could have enough clients to stay in business. In most civilized countries, if the waitress craps on your table, it's pretty likely the customers won't leave a tip.

    Then again スカトロ風俗 turns up over 500 hits in Google, so maybe I'm just naive.

    I'm ready to finish this conversation, and I regret having started it. Especially after following the link in #6. I to need spend this weekend surfing for cute pictures of fuzzy little baby animals to cleanse my psyche.

    Perez Hilton, by sheer coincidence, uploaded a YouTube video yesterday of himself doing an impression of what was in the link in reply #6:

  • 15 Ventura // Nov 10, 2007 at 8:53 pm

    What are you talking about ?
    I am curious enough to google it. But I can't find the video.

    Send me the url.

  • 16 Stephen // Nov 12, 2007 at 1:06 pm

    Let us not forget that the real Antichrist will, when he comes on to the world scene will be very popular. He will be very charismatic. So the point is when we look for the “Antichrist” we shouldn’t be looking for a villain. We shouldn’t be looking for a bad guy, for that is not how he is going to appear, not to most people, at least not at first.

    In fact he is going to appear as a savior. He is actually going to be responsible or seem to be responsible in solving some of humanity’s most intractable problems. Perhaps he is going to be responsible for curing some disease, or develop ways to make things grow on barren land.

    This is why I am guessing that he will be an industrialist because only an industrialist could have the infrastructures to develop such technology. Obviously what pushes this guy into the world stage would be the continuing success of his company.

    And from there his success and charisma is going to pull him into politics. I say pull but it was his plan all along, though like the best of politicians he will make it look like he only begrudgingly entered the political sphere.

    I believe he will become the head of the European Union, an entity that right noW isn’t that strong, but since I see see this as happening from 30-50 years from now I see that by then the organization will have grown in strength

    I still believe we have a generation or two before he arises, but in the term of human history a generation or two isn’t that long from now.

  • 17 missbhavens // Nov 21, 2007 at 5:14 pm

    Oh, wait. It this that thing with the poop? I think I saw that video last year. Has shitporn finally made it to the mainstream? That's horrifying, for realz.

    Doodoo. It's not just for toilets anymore.

    missbhavens's last blog post..NaVloPoMo-a-GoGo 20: bored, now.

  • 18 Anonymous // Dec 4, 2007 at 6:32 pm

    Wasn't that bad. Pussy.

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