Last year at this time, I was getting tens of thousands of downloads, and it was seriously freaking me out. So far, the episodes I’ve made this year have a more reasonable listenership: somewhere around 1,000 plays per episode, but it takes a while for the numbers to get up there. The “Ass Hair Burger Festival,” which was the last episode I did in 2006, has been listened to over 4,000 times.
Video viewership is harder to calculate, but between my blog, iTunes and YouTube, the beach video, for example, has been watched over 6,000 times.
But you know what? I don’t feel it. There are maybe 10 people who post to the blog, and those are the people I imagine myself talking to, plus a few very close friends from real life and my parents in the US. Being a quite shy and private person (I kid you not, not in the least), unless I can learn how not to self-destruct when the numbers start getting too high, imagining only a few people listening in is the only way I can continue to do this stuff.
I admire people who can live without fear, or at least feel the fear but do it anyway. Coming to terms with what have always been my two greatests fears–criticism and failure–is the reason I started podcasting almost two years ago, and the reason why I still challenge myself despite very public setbacks. In fact, the repeating cycle of failing, being forgiven by listeners and trying again has helped to boost my confidence a little every time.
What am I getting at? Thanks for reaching out to me and helping me grow personally. I’m hoping that someday soon this experiment will evolve into something beyond just me, and into a community that will help people help each other become happy and successful. I have a few ideas germinating about this, but those ideas haven’t attracted the right people just yet. That’s the next thing I need to learn how to do.